[ she's aware of the ground rules! she knows she can talk to him about anything. but the more she thinks about it, the more she feels childish about acting up. she could easily chalk that up to her inherent lack of faith in people, but that's not fair to him at all, is it?
this feeling of inadequacy sucks. not enough to make her throw up, but it's very close. ]
For the record, I did watch all of the scenes you're in. So it's not like I wasn't aware of your faithfulness.
But think about it. Even if I'm aware of that, would you have felt the same way if we switched places and I did the same things you did?
[ and now that she's said it, she realizes how immature she's being. looks like she isn't completely invulnerable with her own emotions just yet. ]
I know I'm being ridiculous right now, though. Sorry.
[ There's a lot he wants to ask right now, questions all bubbling to the surface one after another, some more pointed than others. But it feels so...clinical to do so over text, where all he gets are a handful of words and nothing else. No body language, no tonal shift, no emotion for him to try and understand.
[ for a moment, she has the petty urge to leave him on read and deal with this in the morning, even if it risks pissing him off. but she urges her feet to stay put as she leans back against the wall. ]
Just outside the venue entrance
[ ughhhhhhh just end her now she's no longer a teenager for wings' sake!!! ]
[ They could have had their first fight so soon.....maybe they still will? ]
I'll be there in five minutes.
[ Though it ends up closer to seven what with all the crowds. He's fully dressed by the time he exits, shirt properly on and tucked into his pants. No more exposed skin for anyone, sad.
He ambles up to Ishmael, slowly when he reaches her. ]
Take a walk with me?
[ They can talk while they walk and besides, it's too crowded here. ]
[ their first fight and it's not even raining.......... u_u
but ishmael might as well look like there's a raincloud hovering over her head with that sullen look on her face. she only offers a silent nod, staring at his empty hands for a moment before choosing not to reach out and hold them like she usually does.
she'll continue to be silent as they make their way down to... wherever wriothesley wants to go. she supposes that he'll probably take her somewhere else more private, but she's already content with the thinning crowd the farther away they get from the venue. she's also unsure of what to say -- if she should even say something -- so she'll wait for him to start anytime. ]
[ The lack of handholding isn't so much bothersome as it is an additional sign of her mood - Not Great - so he keeps his hands to himself and the distance between them polite as they stroll down the sidewalk away from the venue and towards some idk patch of artificial grass somewhere combo'd with a singular bench that passes for a park in the middle of downtown.
It would have been nice if she'd said something so he at least knows where to start, but it looks like he's going to have to step up to the plate and take a guess. But that's fine. As far as roadblocks in life go, this one isn't so bad. (So far.) ]
Other than me showing up in a place clearly meant for couples, is there anything else you're upset with me about?
[ how much ground are they gonna have to cover here ]
[ hold on, give her a minute. the distance between them as they sat on the bench is palpable, and with the streetlamp shining down on them as the dusk gives way to evening, it's like they're both being put on the spot.
she starts off with one of her sighs first, her thumbs twiddling together. ]
Well, the way you provoked Izou was one. But he sure showed you, so I'm not too upset about that.
[ lmao..... no but, after hearing what wriothesley had to say about taking his relationships seriously, this is no laughing matter. ]
I guess I'm more upset at myself than anything. I've never really had any reason to feel any sort of jealousy before all this. And even though I'm aware that you'd never do those things to just about anyone, it still makes me feel... [ hold on, what was that word gojo used? ] Cucked.
[ she's really out here using the word 'cucked' in front of god and everyone, i'm crying
He takes the first bit in stride because....well, she's right, he definitely deserved that. There really was no good explanation for his behavior and honestly he should probably go apologize to Izou (and also March) at some point after this. The second part has him turning his head towards her in surprise.
It shouldn't be surprising, not with how much it'd been featured as a theme during the various shows and as something that had cropped up every now and then in his own life, but it's strange to imagine it coming from Ishmael, who has always been confident and biting and self-assured in her opinions. But maybe it shouldn't be so strange, when the both of them are navigating through uncharted territory for the first time.
They step along a few feet more, Wriothesley silent as he turned her words over in his mind (yes, including cucked). ]
I'm sorry [ first and foremost ] for making you feel that way. If you felt [ no, he can't bring himself to say 'cucked' yet ] jealous, then I'm partly responsible for doing something that led to that reaction.
[ Another beat of silence. ]
I'm guessing you don't really want to feel that way again in the future. [ maybe she's secretly into ntr and he just hasn't picked up on it, who can say ]
[ she said "cuck" once and now he's not going to let her live it down ]
Wow, you figured it out. [ no, she can't be sarcastic for this. ] It's a horrible feeling so no, I don't. Trust me, I'm rarely this insecure, but...
[ hmm, how does she put this. she slows down until she comes to a stop as she mulls over the right words to say, her gaze averted from him. ]
You're... too good for me sometimes. No -- a lot of the time, really. Like I said before, a lot of people here do want you. How can I not feel threatened?
[ she breathes out a sigh. if the flush on her face is growing, it's probably just the weather. definitely. ]
Maybe at the end of the day... I just wanted you to look at me and only me. Is that so wrong?
[ It's still a strange thing, to hear the words 'too good' out of her mouth when he's always considered himself anything but. Especially here, surrounded by people who can lift cars with one hand and regrow limbs with enough effort, and who have weathered far worse storms than him. He's just a guy, with strengths and flaws like anyone else, trying his best like everyone else.
And she's trying her best too, for which he's eternally grateful.
Now it's time for him to carefully roll the words over in his head, picking them out one by one and putting them together. But before he says anything he turns towards her first, reaching out with both hands to grip both of her hands in his.
If she wants him to look at her then he'll do that, starting right now. ]
There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. We're all only human, at the end of the day. [ Except for the people who aren't, but this ain't about them. ] You're allowed to feel happiness, anger, jealousy, excitement, sadness. I don't want you to feel like you need to suppress any of those while you're with me.
[ Don't be like him in this regard. ]
I can't promise I won't spend time with other people or other women [ when most of your friends are women....RIP ] but I can promise you that I'm not interested in any of them the same way I'm interested in you. I only want you, Ishmael.
[ She will always be the first person his gaze gravitates towards to in a room and also the last. ]
[ his earnest words feel unreal to her, like they're something off a romance novel or a movie. but his warm hands around hers and the city noise around them are real, and she's going to need a moment to process them while the flush on her cheek deepens, spreading down towards her neck and ears.
for a moment, she wishes she could take her word back about wanting him to look at her, because she can feel his gaze setting her on fire. having enough of that, she tugs his hands in towards her to wrap her arms around him, hiding her face on his shoulder. he's not usually this forthright with his emotions, so can you blame her for being overwhelmed... ]
You... always know what to say, don't you?
[ because it's exactly what she needed to hear, selfish as it is. ]
You still have to make up for it, you know. Not just with me.
[ march and izou deserves an explanation, too. or maybe a mere apology would suffice? either way, this is what she meant by being "too good". she was serious when she said that it's rare to meet anyone like him, like how he's serious when it comes to his own relationships.
she falls silent for a while as she recomposes herself, until she manages a barely audible: ] ...Thank you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Anyway Marcille is RIGHT and they should definitely talk about it. Ishmael is not escaping this conversation so easily. ]
It's not nothing if there's something bothering you. Didn't we agree to talk things out back then?
[ Their ground rules!! ]
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this feeling of inadequacy sucks. not enough to make her throw up, but it's very close. ]
For the record, I did watch all of the scenes you're in. So it's not like I wasn't aware of your faithfulness.
But think about it. Even if I'm aware of that, would you have felt the same way if we switched places and I did the same things you did?
[ and now that she's said it, she realizes how immature she's being. looks like she isn't completely invulnerable with her own emotions just yet. ]
I know I'm being ridiculous right now, though. Sorry.
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He doesn't want to do her that disservice. ]
Where are you?
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Just outside the venue entrance
[ ughhhhhhh just end her now she's no longer a teenager for wings' sake!!! ]
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I'll be there in five minutes.
[ Though it ends up closer to seven what with all the crowds. He's fully dressed by the time he exits, shirt properly on and tucked into his pants. No more exposed skin for anyone, sad.
He ambles up to Ishmael, slowly when he reaches her. ]
Take a walk with me?
[ They can talk while they walk and besides, it's too crowded here. ]
no subject
but ishmael might as well look like there's a raincloud hovering over her head with that sullen look on her face. she only offers a silent nod, staring at his empty hands for a moment before choosing not to reach out and hold them like she usually does.
she'll continue to be silent as they make their way down to... wherever wriothesley wants to go. she supposes that he'll probably take her somewhere else more private, but she's already content with the thinning crowd the farther away they get from the venue. she's also unsure of what to say -- if she should even say something -- so she'll wait for him to start anytime. ]
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It would have been nice if she'd said something so he at least knows where to start, but it looks like he's going to have to step up to the plate and take a guess. But that's fine. As far as roadblocks in life go, this one isn't so bad. (So far.) ]
Other than me showing up in a place clearly meant for couples, is there anything else you're upset with me about?
[ how much ground are they gonna have to cover here ]
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she starts off with one of her sighs first, her thumbs twiddling together. ]
Well, the way you provoked Izou was one. But he sure showed you, so I'm not too upset about that.
[ lmao..... no but, after hearing what wriothesley had to say about taking his relationships seriously, this is no laughing matter. ]
I guess I'm more upset at myself than anything. I've never really had any reason to feel any sort of jealousy before all this. And even though I'm aware that you'd never do those things to just about anyone, it still makes me feel... [ hold on, what was that word gojo used? ] Cucked.
[ help ]
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He takes the first bit in stride because....well, she's right, he definitely deserved that. There really was no good explanation for his behavior and honestly he should probably go apologize to Izou (and also March) at some point after this. The second part has him turning his head towards her in surprise.
It shouldn't be surprising, not with how much it'd been featured as a theme during the various shows and as something that had cropped up every now and then in his own life, but it's strange to imagine it coming from Ishmael, who has always been confident and biting and self-assured in her opinions. But maybe it shouldn't be so strange, when the both of them are navigating through uncharted territory for the first time.
They step along a few feet more, Wriothesley silent as he turned her words over in his mind (yes, including cucked). ]
I'm sorry [ first and foremost ] for making you feel that way. If you felt [ no, he can't bring himself to say 'cucked' yet ] jealous, then I'm partly responsible for doing something that led to that reaction.
[ Another beat of silence. ]
I'm guessing you don't really want to feel that way again in the future. [ maybe she's secretly into ntr and he just hasn't picked up on it, who can say ]
no subject
Wow, you figured it out. [ no, she can't be sarcastic for this. ] It's a horrible feeling so no, I don't. Trust me, I'm rarely this insecure, but...
[ hmm, how does she put this. she slows down until she comes to a stop as she mulls over the right words to say, her gaze averted from him. ]
You're... too good for me sometimes. No -- a lot of the time, really. Like I said before, a lot of people here do want you. How can I not feel threatened?
[ she breathes out a sigh. if the flush on her face is growing, it's probably just the weather. definitely. ]
Maybe at the end of the day... I just wanted you to look at me and only me. Is that so wrong?
no subject
And she's trying her best too, for which he's eternally grateful.
Now it's time for him to carefully roll the words over in his head, picking them out one by one and putting them together. But before he says anything he turns towards her first, reaching out with both hands to grip both of her hands in his.
If she wants him to look at her then he'll do that, starting right now. ]
There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. We're all only human, at the end of the day. [ Except for the people who aren't, but this ain't about them. ] You're allowed to feel happiness, anger, jealousy, excitement, sadness. I don't want you to feel like you need to suppress any of those while you're with me.
[ Don't be like him in this regard. ]
I can't promise I won't spend time with other people or other women [ when most of your friends are women....RIP ] but I can promise you that I'm not interested in any of them the same way I'm interested in you. I only want you, Ishmael.
[ She will always be the first person his gaze gravitates towards to in a room and also the last. ]
no subject
for a moment, she wishes she could take her word back about wanting him to look at her, because she can feel his gaze setting her on fire. having enough of that, she tugs his hands in towards her to wrap her arms around him, hiding her face on his shoulder. he's not usually this forthright with his emotions, so can you blame her for being overwhelmed... ]
You... always know what to say, don't you?
[ because it's exactly what she needed to hear, selfish as it is. ]
You still have to make up for it, you know. Not just with me.
[ march and izou deserves an explanation, too. or maybe a mere apology would suffice? either way, this is what she meant by being "too good". she was serious when she said that it's rare to meet anyone like him, like how he's serious when it comes to his own relationships.
she falls silent for a while as she recomposes herself, until she manages a barely audible: ] ...Thank you.